


over the jellies, into the woods

by lemonykittens



Category: Cookie Run (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, You Decide, also. werewolf is a jock. fight me, alternitive title:give me the nerd/goth/jock solidarity we DESERVE devisisters, does cookie run even have a canon?, does thing change the dynamic to nerd/goth/jock/nerd?, either way alchemist and vampire live in a log cabin the middle of the woods, go to sleep lemony, if i choose to continue character and relationships will be added as i go on!, now with creepy motherfucker wind archer too!!, now with little bastard Wizard, once more the author abuses the enter button, or is it nerd/goth/jock/bastard?, thick chocolaty meta under a cronchy layer of plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-10-19 03:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17594012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonykittens/pseuds/lemonykittens
Summary: Alchemist, unfazed, pulled up a cushioned stool and got comfortable, adjusting her large round glasses and crossing her legs.“Do you know where you are?”------alternatively: local werewolf knocks down some trees, injures himself, gets taken in by distinguised scientist and her goth brother





	1. bleeding out on someone else's cushions (and other stuggles of being a werewolf)

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this about about a year ago, found it in my drive, and dusted it off to post! I'm actually pretty sure this has been done before but cannot for the life of me remember by who. If someone could figure out which fic it was and give me a link so i can credit them properly, that'd be great and I'd love you forever.  
> Anyways-- im a vampire cookie/juice sibs stan can you tell

“If he’s evil, you owe me a Trix yogurt."

“You don’t even eat the yogurt! You just suck out all the red food dye and give it to me!”

“And this is a problem, because?”

“I can’t eat that!”

“Not if you’re a not a _coward_.”

When Werewolf cookie came back to consciousness, every noise felt painful. The people in front of him were loud, but once they saw him twitch, they both felt abruptly silent. He tried to muster up a menacing growl to make them go away, but the most he could manage was a pathetic, scratchy groan.

“...Yikes,” one of them said, inspecting Werewolf with a cross between coldness and pity.

“Vampire, shut _up,”_ the short one hissed, and Werewolf winced internally. She moved towards him and pushed him up on the bed. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “He might be sensitive to sounds right now. _You_ of all people would know that.”

Werewolf blinked the last of the fatigue out of his eyes and properly scanned the room. There were two people there with him. The taller one, with bright wine red hair, hadn’t stopped scrutinizing him since he’d woken up. His hair was messy, and yet it didn’t look like there was a single strand out of place. A large dark purple cape hung tightly around his shoulders.

Actually, the more Werewolf looked at him, the more it seemed like he was stepping protectively in front of the other cookie. Werewolf let out a breath and let himself deflate, and  _gods_ , his head was killing him. Maybe if he just closed his eye, he could...

“-do you feel alright? I can-”

“Alchemist,” the taller cookie said gently. “I don’t think he’s listening.”

Werewolf felt a stab of shame when the short one abruptly cut herself off.

"Oh,” She said, adjusting her circular glasses. “Are you listening right _now_?”

Werewolf opened his mouth to speak but settled on nodding instead.

The shorter cookie’s eyes darted across the room, taking everything in and finally deciding to settle on himself.

Under both of their eyes, Werewolf found himself growing uncomfortable.

“I-, well,” the short cookie started, desperately trying to break the silence. 

“I’m Vampire,” the taller one interjected, saving the other cookie from embarrassing herself. “And this is Alchemist,” Vampire finished, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Are you comfortable?”

Now that he thought about it, the bed he was on was very soft and… probably expensive, actually. He experimentally moved his shoulders a little, only to have them flare up in pain. He winced, but his suspicions were confirmed--this bed was expensive, and he was probably getting his blood all over it. Werewolf cleared his throat and tried talking.

“Yes, I-” he coughed. “Yes, I am. Thank you,” he added awkwardly, not wanting to seem rude.

Alchemist brightened up and got Vampire’s attention with a snap of her fingers.

“Can you get some of the recovery potion? The one with the yellow heart in it, with the basic gummy jellies?”

Vampire nodded absentmindedly before poofing into what Werewolf blearily recognized as a bat.

 _Well,_ he thought to himself. _It’s not like I was the only one who could shift into something else, right?_ Even if he was a little jealous Vampire seemed to be able to do it on command.

Alchemist, unfazed, pulled up a cushioned stool from under an end table and got comfortable, adjusting her large round glasses and crossing her legs.

“Do you know where you are?”

Werewolf coughed and took another look around the room. Alchemist, with her large purple twin braids and brown and black striped cloak, was the most ordinary thing about the room. The door they had probably dragged him in through was large- larger than either of the needed to make it, and there was a skylight in the ceiling covered with simple stained glass. The walls were made out a smooth, polished wood that had a few burns and stains near the arch that led into the room that Vampire had flown into. Near the sofas, there was a yellow bear jelly plant and a pair of shears on the end table next to it.

Otherwise, the place was decorated with an air of humble sophistication. Like they could have made it into a lavishly decorated mansion, but decided on a more homely approach.

“Is this were you live?” he guessed, propping himself on his elbows into a more comfortable position. Aside from the dried blood uncomfortably sitting on his skin, he felt surprisingly fine. “It’s very nice.”

Alchemist looked pleased and nodded her head.

“I’m glad you’re thinking clearly enough to notice that. You were in a _terrible_ condition last night, Mr….”  
“...Werewolf,” he finished.

“Well, Werewolf, I’m glad you’re doing better. My brother found you stomping around in the woods.” Her faced soured at the memory. “He tied his cloak around some open wounds, and brought you back so you could get actual medical attention.” She gestured to the bandages that weren’t there the last time he remembered. “You should stay here for a while,” she said, her voice casual and not as if that was the most tempting offer Werewolf had been given in his life.

Well. It wasn’t like Werewolf had anywhere else to go.


	2. alchemist writes a letter and werewolf angsts a little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That gives me the impression that someone has died,” he said, his voice rough with disuse. “Should I be worried?”
> 
> “Not if you stay away from the third door down the hallway on the second floor, it’s to your right when you exit the staircase, can’t miss it. If you do enter, you enter a contract saying that whatever happens to you past that threshold can’t be held against us by default.”
> 
> A pause.
> 
> “I’ll… keep that in mind?”
> 
> “Oh, good. You hungry?”
> 
> “Please.”  
> _________  
> or: vampire and werewolf have kind of have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i dont know how to feel about this chapter other then--yay! we're past the 2000 word threshold lads.  
> also vampire is kind of a jerk here but I pROMISE i am a vampire cookie stan just. bear with me  
> also! paragraphs are kinda weird at the beginning and im very new to Ao3 but I think they fixtemselves later down the line. as of right now, this chapter has not been proofread!

“So he’s staying?”

Alchemist huffed and looked at her brother sideways. He propped himself on a counter next to her, watching her stir ingredients into a caldron with mild interest. Every so often he would take a sip of grape juice, swirling around the glass so that the juice was just shy of hitting the rim. 

“I think we can help him,” she said, tossing a handful of sugar swan feathers into the mixture. “Forcing him to leave wouldn’t sit well with me.”

Vampire hummed and took a sip out of his glass. “I just feel like we should ask him about the rather loud thrashing we heard last night. I checked outside while you were giving him the advanced energy potion.” He set his empty glass on the table with a _clink_. “A large section of trees have been torn down outside or otherwise horribly clawed.”  
Alchemist flexed her fingers. “I wasn’t saying the we just- just let him off the hook,” she said defensively, her voice rising slightly in pitch. “We’re going to question him, of course.”

Vampire raised his hand in surrender and got off the counter. “I never said you wouldn’t, dear,” he said. “I just worry he’s not entirely trustworthy.”  
“ _You’re_ the one who dragged him to the house half-dead,” she grumbled. “He’s completely at our mercy right now. What could he even do?”

“One of these days, you’re going to say that, and It’ll blow up in our face,”he sighed. “I’ll bring him some food for the morning so we don’t accidently starve him.”

Alchemist nodded and went back to stirring. She had work to do if she ever meant to help their guest beyond just giving him a place to stay. 

Hm. Well, how else  _ could _ she help him? She momentarily stopped working on the the caldron and gave it one last look before taking out the wooden spoon and putting the lid back on. She set the spoon aside and started rifling through a cabinet for some paper and a pen. She could ask Vampire where the stamps were later. 

Upon finding the necessary materials, she gave the pen a few experimental clicks―it worked, thankfully. Lately, a few of them had broken―and started writing. She herself didn’t know much about werewolves. Vampires, definitely, but this time, maybe it would be better to call Wizard cookie in to help. 

_____________________________

“You alive in there?” Vampire asked, entering the living area-turned-guest-bedroom and balancing a tray of food on his right hand. “I don’t really want to have to deal with Wind Archer’s righteousness if you end up dying. Too many disappointed looks and blank stares.”

Werewolf, surprisingly, seemed in much better shape then they had left him in, now fully awake thanks to the healing potion Alchemist had given him and the 2 hours he had to recuperate. He looked up at Vampire, and his eyes lingered on the food. 

“That gives me the impression that someone  _ has _ died,” he said, his voice rough with disuse. “Should I be worried?”

“Not if you stay away from the third door down the hallway on the second floor, it’s to your right when you exit the staircase, can’t miss it. If you  _ do _ enter, you enter a contract saying that whatever happens to you past that threshold can’t be held against us by default.”

A pause. 

“I’ll… keep that in mind?”

“Oh, good. You hungry?”

“Please.”

Vampire set the tray on the bed and sat on a nearby stool, watching Werewolf scarf (or, heh,  _ wolf _ ) down what edibles he had managed to dig out from the mountains of herbs and potion ingredients that littered their kitchen. He’d clean it all up later. Or, if he was being honest with himself, tell Alchemist to do it. 

When he was done, Werewolf wiped his mouth and sat up a little straighter. 

“I… ” he trailed off. “Thank you for your kind hospitality. I imagine I overstayed my welcome― I can leave immediately if-”

Vampire held up one hand and the other cookie cut himself off. 

“No can do, love,” he said. “Little sis wants you to stay so she can help you out a little before we,” He held up one finger. “Decide you’re fit enough to leave, and,” he held up a second finger “you  _ want _ to leave. It’s not like this house is small, one more person isn’t going to change much.”

Werewolf’s face morphed from worry to guilt.

“I don’t want to impose-” he began, his words coming out in a rush, but Vampire interrupted him again, his voice betraying no irritation. 

“If it makes you feel better, most of our place is absolutely trashed. Despite Alc’s uptight-ness, she hardly ever keeps her living space clean, and I’m not much for housework. If you clean up a little and make sure the house has some semblance of order, would that make you feel better?”

Werewolf didn’t seem to be able to nod fast enough. Vampire smiled.

“I’m glad we got that sorted. I need to check on how you’re recovering now. I’m sure Alchemist has already told you, but you were in really bad shape when we dragged you in last night.” Vampire scanned Werewolf again, who seemed to be growing more and more uncomfortable. The arm that was dislocated and had to be set in place by Alchemist―Millennial Tree knows how much she had to do it monthly― was functioning perfectly fine, and the many bruises and cuts that were sustained were nowhere to be seen. The leg that was bleeding heavily and had soaked through the first set of bandages was-

“Did you take off the bandages?” Vampire said, moving closer to inspect it. Werewolf flinched away. 

“I,” he coughed. “I didn’t need them anymore and it was itching.” Vampire’s eye twitched. 

“What do you  _ mean _ you-”

“I heal quickly!” he said, his voice growing louder. “After I… you know, turn. I heal a little better a few days after.”

“That…” Vampire stepped back, giving Werewolf some space. “That makes sense now. I apologize.” 

“It’s fine,” Werewolf said, relieved. “Do you think you could get rid of all the other bandages? The ones I took off are on the other side of the bed.”

Vampire nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, gathering up the dirty bandages and marvelling at just how  _ well _ Werewolf was doing. His arms were criss-crossed with scars, some of them big, but most were small and looked like scratches more than anything. His clothes, Vampire noted, were dirty, and they would need to get him something else to wear. 

Although neither Vampire or Alchemist were as  _ big _ as Werewolf was. That was going to be a problem. 

“Well,” Vampire said. “Do you think you can walk?”

Werewolf rolled his shoulders, which he only winced at, but when he tried to bend his legs he hissed and straightened them out again.

“Cramps, huh,” Vampire said, a little amused at Werewolf’s irritation. He tried again, just his right leg this time, but to no avail. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Vampire assured him before he could try again. “Cramps  _ hurt.  _ A day of bedrest. I bet Alchemist has something that would help with that too.”

Werewolf was silent for a moment. 

“You… don’t want to know what happened when I was…” he looked away. “Outside?”

“I do, don’t worry!” Vampire said. “I just feel like it would be unfair to interrogate you while you were starving. Alchemist would kill me if I did.”

“But… you could have used food to force me to talk. Or could have used your hospitality against me. Or-”

“I’m going to stop you right there, my guy.” Vampire said, a little horrified. “Does our general demeanor really exude ‘ready to torture someone’ to you?”

Werewolf didn’t meet his eyes and drummed his fingers nervously on the bed. Vampire groaned defeatedly. 

“I guess I  _ am _ called Vampire and Alchemist is kind of witch-ish, but―you didn’t think I was serious about floor 2 room 3, right?”

“...you do seem to have a room that I hear ominous bubbling sounds from right next to us,” he mumbled.

Vampire huffed. “I’m offended, dearie. I can promise that me and Alc aren’t going to kill you in your sleep so rest easy, alright?” Vampire awkwardly patted Werewolfś shoulder and went to pick up the tray of food and rolled-up dirty bandages. 

“I’ll be back soon, I just have to put this away. Lie down or something, okay? We’ll be with you shortly.”

Vampire didn’t check to see if Werewolf had did what he said and held the now clean tray and bandages in his hands. It was times like these where he really wished he morphed into something more useful. Flying was much quicker then walking, but bats really couldn’t carry any weight. 

“Alchemist?” Vampire asked when he passed through the potion room. “You doin’ anything interesting?”

“I’m writing a letter,” she said, hunched over the little writing desk they put in the corner. “If we’re serious about giving our guest real help, I think it would be best to call in Wizard. Unless you have something against that?”

Her voice wasn’t challenging―she was asking a real question, and Vampire reflected on the encounter he went through today.

“I don’t see why not,” Vampire said. “The kid might know something we don’t. Stamps are in my room, if you were about to ask.”

Alchemist nodded. “So it’s settled, then? We’re helping him?”

Vampire hummed. “I guess it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wizard cookie IS going to show up and his height IS going to be made fun of. 
> 
> comments make me happy and are saved in my inbox to read!


	3. wizard cookie's hat is 3/4 his height and that is very important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wizard cookie took one last look at the letter and then another look at the books he needed to read at the end of the month. 5 textbooks, all dense, and all unfinished. He looked back at the letter, and then up at Energy Scale, who had been following him for the past 20 minutes, trying to get him to read the letter. Energy Scale blinked at him, their eyes unfeeling and devoid of sympathy.  
> “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I, Wizzy?” he said, getting up to pack his bags.  
> The book of Wizdom sadly chirped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the little bastard is intoduced,,,,, god i love him  
> the fact that wizard is a kid is very important and i will yell at it for the rest of my life

_Wizard Cookie,_

_Although I know you must be very busy with your studies, I must confess I need your assistance._

_Just one night ago, when my brother went out for his feeding into the forest, he carried in a half-dead cookie with multiple hairline fractures and open cuts. This was preceded by about 15 minutes of distant thrashing and some other sounds I recognized as the felling of trees. Vampire was exhausted when he returned and went to his room to sleep it off while I nursed the cookie back to health._

_The next morning when the cookie came too, we were both thankfully there to see him. He revealed his name to be “Werewolf Cookie”, and that is where I need your help._

_I realize that lycanthropy is only a little more common than vampirism, but I think that we can help him in the same way we helped Vampire. Before he awoke, Vampire mentioned something about his wolf form being “absolutely jacked. Dude didn’t look like he could resist the temptation to ram himself into every tree he saw” and I confess this worries me greatly. You might recall Vampire was much the same way when he had more limited control over himself._

_I will inform the cookie in question immediately after I have Energy Scale deliver this to you. If you can’t make it, I understand completely understand. We can figure something out by ourselves, but your help would be appreciated._

_, With love_

_Alchemist_

_p.s. you should know that you don’t need an invitation to come to our place. I don’t hate him, but Vampire is what one might call “and insufferable tool”. Your company is greatly appreciated, and Vampire’s been asking about you. I think he misses his armrest._

 

Wizard cookie took one last look at the letter and then another look at the books he needed to read at the end of the month. 5 textbooks, all dense, and all unfinished. He looked back at the letter, and then up at Energy Scale, who had been following him for the past 20 minutes, trying to get him to read the letter. Energy Scale blinked at him, their eyes unfeeling and devoid of sympathy.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I, Wizzy?” he said, getting up to pack his bags.

The book of Wizdom sadly chirped.

_____________________________

 

“Alchemist?” There’s a gremlin at the door.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Let Wizard in, Vampire,” Alchemist called from the potion room.

Werewolf, having now moved to the loveseat sitting awfully close to the door, felt a touch of surprise at the _very_ high pitched voice coming from behind the mahogany wooden door. Vampire snickered and swing it open, revealing a rather small cookie dressed in heavy blue robes with a _very_ tall hat. The more he looked at him, the more it seemed like the cookie he didn't recognize was trying to make himself look taller. Behind him were two pets-- a scale Werewolf recognized as Alchemist’s and a book who had a bag carefully swung around it that looked like it was straining to carry the weight.

Wizard stepped in with a huff and tried to hit Vampire over the head with his staff, but only reached his shoulder, which resulted in Vampire breaking into a burst of barely-concealed laughter.

“If you are _quite_ finished,” Wizard said, his voice rising in pitch. “I was informed that there was someone I was intended to help?”

Werewolf, feeling that this was his cue, cleared his throat.

Wizard’s head snapped to his direction, and Werewolf fidgeted with his clothes. What is _with_ everyone he meets being so creepy?

“Oh!” He said, his voice suddenly excited. “Look at _you_!”

Creepy.

Wizard rushed over, floating a little and then landing softly on the carpet with a faint thump, and looked him up and down. His inspection lingered a little longer on his face, and Werewolf contemplated saying something, but Wizard abruptly stopped looking at him and pulled on Vampire’s cape to get his attention.

“Alchemist said that he was beaten up. He looks fine to me,” he said, almost accusingly.

“Advanced healing, kiddo.”

“Hm,” Wizard turned back to him. “Is what the vampire says true?”

Werewolf just nodded, and Wizard looked elated, looking over his arms with new purpose, and it hit Werewolf just how much of a _kid he_  was.

“Wizard, buddy,” Vampire sighed, taking a seat on the arm of the loveseat (the one farther away from him, thankfully). “Do you want to introduce yourself to our friend?”  
Wizard blinked as if the thought hadn’t come to him. Then, his face flushed.

“Oh no- I’ve been so-” he sputtered, clutching his staff a little tighter. “I apologize, I-”

He cleared his throat and tried again.

“My name is Wizard cookie, and I come from more north of the cookie kingdom, where Lady Moonlight has graciously taken me as her student, teaching me everything that was lost since the tragic collapse of the city of wizards,” he said eloquently, like he was reading off of a paper for a presentation. “Lady Moonlight has given me the skills to aid people however I can, and I hope that using her and the wizards of past’s teachings, I can make your day-to-day life as streamlined as possible.” He seemed proud of that last part and beamed a little at Vampire’s impressed look.

“It’s nice to meet you, Wizard,” Werewolf said, hiding his discomfort as best he could. The kid hung on to his every word. “I’m Werewolf. I remember nothing about myself since I became…” he hesitated. “This.”

At that, Wizard’s eyebrows rose. “And I assume you gave yourself a new name after what you had become, yes?” At Werewolf’s nod, Wizard hummed thoughtfully.

“Well, you should know that lycanthropy is nothing to be ashamed of, and it could be a blessing if you learn to control it. Just think of the things one could-”

That was about when Werewolf stopped listening. Wizard chattered on for a minute longer before Alchemist entered the living area, hauling some books in her hands.

“Wizard?” She said, dropping the books to the coffee table with a _thunk._  “Will this do?”

The books were old and smelled like leather and sawdust even from a distance. Combined, they were almost as tall as Wizard himself. The pages were uneven and ripped, and meticulous designs were etched onto their covers. Gold foil lettering lined their spines, making them almost glow.

At least Werewolf assumed they were letters. They were written in a language that Werewolf hadn’t seen before, all of them looking vaguely like English, but they didn’t form and coherent sentences or words. Or, to him _,_ at least. The second Alchemist set the books down, Wizard snatched up the one at top of the task ran his eyes over the cover, nodding thoughtfully.

“I hate to add on to your workload, Wizard,” Alchemist said, “I’m glad you came.”

Wizard waved her off and settled himself on the couch next to Werewolf, having flipped to an open page and reading the symbols Werewolf couldn’t recognize.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. This is way more interesting, anyway.”  
Werewolf didn’t know how comfortable he was with the word ‘interesting’, but if the ease at which Wizard was reading the book showed him anything, he might have been the only person able to help him.

“I guess the wizard mumbo-jumbo has to get boring at some point, huh,” Vampire said, looking over Wizard’s shoulder.

“Watch it. That ‘wizard mumbo-jumbo’ saved your life.”

Vampire just shrugged.

“In any case,” Wizard said, gently closing the book and clutching it to his chest. “I’ll need some time with our esteemed guest before I try anything. If you two would give us some privacy?”

Alchemist nodded and looked to Vampire, who poofed into a bat and fluttered over to her.

“We’ll check on you guys in 30 minutes. Yell if you need anything,” Alchemist said professionally, and Vampire chirped beside her.

Once they had left the room, Wizard turned his body toward Werewolf and leaned back on the arm of the loveseat, his body dwarfed as he sunk into the cushion. He fished out a small notebook and a pen from his pockets and flipped to an empty page quickly writing something at the very top.

“So, mister Werewolf,” he said, looking up at him. “What do you remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my lads, my dudes, wizard cookie is short and i will never let myself (or anyone within 50 miles of myself) forget that  
> he's a little nerd who's only ever intereacted with the grapes and some goddess or whatever can you tell
> 
> you should know that i'm very thankful for all of your generous comments!! if i dont reply it's because i havent gotten around to it yet or dont feel like artificially inflating the number of comments (but i probably will reply sometime anyways)


	4. wizard learns a valuable life lesson (tm)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he didn’t say anything, Wizard muttered a spell under his breath to levitate the ‘Arcana of Supernatural Afflictions’ in front of him with a pale blue aura around it. He magically flipped to page 372.
> 
> Werewolf Information.
> 
> Wizard felt a twinge of satisfaction at the expression of surprise on Werewolf’s face but took great pains not to show it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little note-- nothing in this fic is meant to emulate or represent real world problems! that would be insensitive to the struggles people go through daily, and being indian myself, it means a great deal to mean you know this! 
> 
> sorry for the longer wait,,,,, school has kicked my ass lately and this one project in engineering has fuckin ENDED me (i got a 53/55 so its all good dw). i had to rush to get these words out, so they may be lower quality, and i promise next chapter will be of higher caliber!

“It feels like...” Werewolf hesitated, and Wizard didn’t miss the way he nervously thumbed his wolf-tooth necklace. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “However hard I try, whenever I try to think about myself before I was, say, your age?” He shook his head with frustration.  “Everything comes up blank.”

“As if it were erased?” Wizard asked, leaning forward a little. “No smells? Sensations? Nothing?” Werewolf shook his head in response.

Wizard nodded and scribbled _‘No memories before age of 16. Probable Amnesia?’_ on his notepad. Already, Werewolf was proving to be a worthwhile investment of his time. WIzard smiled to himself.

“I assume you were a werewolf as far back as you can remember, correct?” He asked, and Werewolf nods at that too. He looks a little uncomfortable, but Wizard paid it no mind. He jotted down Werewolf’s answer and waited a little to see if he would elaborate.

When he didn’t say anything, Wizard muttered a spell under his breath to levitate the ‘ _Arcana of Supernatural Afflictions’_ in front of him with a pale blue aura around it. He magically flipped to page 372.

Werewolf Information.

Wizard felt a twinge of satisfaction at the expression of surprise on Werewolf’s face but took great pains not to show it.

Gently, Wizard dusted off the pages and ran a finger down the opening paragraph for anything of use. Something about where they usually lived, what the best time it was to research them, their eye colour…

Useless to his purpose. Wizard groaned quietly to himself and squinted at the pages in hopes that something would pop out to him.

“Aha!” Wizard said, releasing his focus on the levitation magic and letting the Arcana drop to his lap with a _thwap._ “I’ve found something of use.”

He cleared his throat and read a little further before he asked “Do you remember anything from when you turn?”

Werewolf finally looks like he’s paying attention. “Turn?” He asks, a question in his voice.

“Every night on the full moon, your wolf form comes out. Do you remember anything during that?” Wizard explained impatiently.

“Then…” he closed his eyes and sank further into the couch. After a moment, he sighed and shook his head. “No, nothing at all.”

His voice is bitter and holds something _more_ to it then the words coming out of his mouth, and Wizard gets the feeling he’s treading on unsafe ground. He hurriedly writes ‘ _No memories during turning’_ and consults the Arcana for further questions to better grasp Werewolf’s condition. That’s what this phase was about, obviously―asking questions to understand the client. Not because Wizard was deathly curious and that this might have been the only time he would ever get the chance to talk to a real werewolf. That would be silly.

Wizard spent the next few minutes with basic questions, such as _“Are you allergic to silver?”_ (yes, it burned even when he brushed his hand against it) or _“Do you have a prominent bite mark?_ (also yes, on his left shoulder. The arm was still a little stiff) which didn’t do much except confirm the obvious. Yes, Werewolf cookie was, in fact, a werewolf. Eventually Wizard got bored with trivial questions pulled out of the book and started to read a little deeper into the chapter.

Blargh. Long analyses of the way werewolves worked (which were interesting, just not what he was looking for), and and detailed lists on what to pack when approaching a pack, but nothing on the personal psyche or how to help a werewolf. Wizard would be hard-pressed to say that the authors of the Arcana consulted with a werewolf before writing. Wizard bristled a little bit when a small note in faded ink described about the savage unpredictability of the species.

_‘A wizard must always bring a sack of Ag-14 with them when confronting the werewolf. They are a brutal race, and any self-resepcting wizard must approch with caution.´_

Wizard looked up from the words and found a sheepish Werewolf, who had taken to inspecting an embroidered throw pillow with great interest and was picking at a loose string on his sweater.

Wizard scoffed and returned to the book with a grimace.

“I thank you for your patience,” Wizard said seriously, after about a minute more of reading. “It appears the wizards of old had little interest in _helping_ your kind.”

Werewolf looks at him sheepishly, his mouth pressing into a worried line. “Does that mean you can’t-”

“No!” Wizard exclaimed quickly, startling Werewolf into meeting his eyes. Wizard glanced back down at the Arcana.

“I’ll admit.” Wizard hesitates. “The wizards of old were not, ahem, the most _accepting_ of people.” He ran his hand over the hyperrealistic drawing of a werewolf. “Even the good Lady Moonlight had to learn tolerance. The old texts do not always have the answers.”

“But…” Werewolf tilted his head and looked off to the side. His face morphed into quiet confusion. “You said you helped Vampire with the book, right?”

Wizard hummed and leaned back, thoughtfully twirling the pen around in his hand.

“Vampire’s situation was… complicated. I’m sure he wont mind me telling,” Wizard said. “Vampire was struggling primarily with hunger pangs, and used alcohol to keep them at bay. The largest breakthrough in helping him was developing a formula that could give him the same nutrients and fulfill his needs the same way cookie blood does. That’s what you see him drinking all the time.” Wizard explained, already enjoying being able to explain his discoveries. “Although, it still has alcoholic properties―however vile it might be, it does wonders to repress hunger pangs in vampires. With a lowercase ‘v’, of course.”

“So you only needed the purely objective side of things regarding vampires?” Werewolf asked, already catching on. Wizard clapped his hands together.

“Precisely. And besides, it seems that the old wizards view vampires as distinguished, is the rather large paragraphs about their fashion sense are any indication.”

“And how is my case different, exactly?” Werewolf asked, a little irritation leaking into his voice. Wizard sighed and haphazardly shut the cover, levitating the book back into the pile Alchemist had brought out.

“The thing is, Werewolf, your situation is different from Vampire’s because we dont know _anything_ about you. And the I have a feeling that you know almost nothing about yourself, either. We have no end goal, no specific area of your life we want to make easier. I thought that if I looked through the book, we could figure out things that you… struggled with.”

Werewolf’s face became even more confused. “Instead of just asking me directly?”

Ah.

Well.

“I-” Wizard’s face flushed. “You see, uh-” He looked down at his clothes and fidgeted with the hem. Werewolf looked vaguely amused.

“Wouldn’t that have been easier?” he added.

Wizard coughed into his hand, his face still the picture of embarrassment. “I don’t-” he paused and tried again. “It just didn’t cross my mind.”

Werewolf laughed a little again, but not like Vampire’s snicker when he made fun of Wizard’s height. Not exactly like Alchemist, who laughed whenever Wizard said something she found silly. It was softer. Kinder?

“Even those fancy books can’t be substituted for the real article,” Werewolf said, his voice growing more serious. “I know I’m in no position to tell you what to do, but I feel like it would be better for everyone involved it you did things like this by just asking the person in question.”`

“Those fancy books-” Wizard’s voice rose in pitch before he caught himself. “I suppose that makes… sense.”

A pause.

“Then, if that’s the route we’re going,” Wizard flipped a page in his notepad and wrote ‘WEREWOLF INTERVIEW’ at the very top. “I was thinking we should, if you’re fine with it, write a guide?”

Werewolf blinked at him.

“A guide to making the life of a werewolf easier, of course!” Wizard said, getting excited. “So that future generations may look upon it and not be as we were when _we_ looked back at the old masters! Just think of how many more people other than yourself we could help with the power of the written word! Passing sacred knowledge on it the reason the cookie kingdom has reached the height the it has now!” Wizard looked up from his notepad and at Werewolf’s eyes. “If that’s okay with you, of course.”

Werewolf’s lips quirked up into a smile, and a wave of relief washed over Wizard.

“Of course. What harm could it do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so begins werewolf's morph in A Slightly More Confident Man in His Twenties, also He Adopts A Child and wizard slowly become less of a little bastard  
> (hnnn i wish my little-er brother (whom i love Very Much and based wizard cookie off of) irl would become less of a bastard,....,,.)
> 
> grape sibs fans, rest easy. the lads will return next chapter,,,,
> 
> also ive noticed i have yet to swear once in this fic. are yall okay w swearing? i swear far too much irl but i know cr is a kids game so ??? are yall fine if i swear a little? is it gucci??


	5. vampire and werewolf have a chat 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wizard studied Vampire’s face for a second and looked down at his notebook.  
> “I suppose Lady Alchemist could offer some insight,” he said, nodding and stuffing the notebook in his too-big pockets. “When should I come back?”  
> “20 minutes should do,” Vampire said, moving towards the loveseat. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, crawling out of a grave, out of breath: I LIVE

Alchemist bit her lip and gave one last glance to her notes. The solution should have been bubbling by now, but even though she kept on adding gummy extract-03 to the cauldron, it remained stagnant. There had to be  _ something _ going wrong, but however hard she racked her brain, her regularly encyclopedic knowledge of alchemy turned up blank. 

She scowled and accepted that she would have to throw out this batch. Serves her right for working with distractions. Vampire would have to go a little longer without a blood substitute, was all. 

She slid out from her stool and began to heave the cauldron to the drain before her phone  _ pinged _ with a notification. 

 

dumbass incarnate: wizzy is askin for some paper and i don want to tell him our place is so trashed all writing material is probably buried under 5 layers of popcorn butter

Alchemist: You’re exaggerating. Notebooks are in the studio under only 2 stacks of cookbooks I haven’t opened since 1804. 

dumbass incarnate: lmao rippppp

dumbass incarnate: flyin over there right now 

Alchemist: Give him the one with the stars on the cover. He’ll love it. 

dumbass incarnate: you got it boss

 

Her smile faltered. They  _ were _ running out, weren’t they? What if she didn’t manage to finish a new batch in time? This failed attempt of what should have been routine for her was vital to his  _ life _ . What did it say about her character that she had brushed it off so easily? Alchemist’s fingers twitched on the cauldron’s metal handles, and oh, gods, when did it get so heavy?

She set it down and forced herself to take a breath. She should just-

Before she could finish the thought, her phone lit up again. 

dumbass incarnate: also i noticed the potion was lookin a little weird earlier?? if it doesnt end up edible then that fine

dumbass incarnate: i need to feed off of real blood tonight remember

Her momentary dismay at Vampire noticing something before her was replaced by relief and then bitterness. The blood substitute didn’t give Vampire the life force that he  actually required—it merely suppressed his hunger. The fact that there they couldn’t find a way to remove the need for life force in the first place irked her, but she wasn’t about to take the substitute for granted. She didn’t  _ want _ to remember what life was like before it. 

Alchemist: Good to hear. 

* * *

 

“You happy with it, dear?” 

Wizard cleared his throat and held out the notebook in front of him. The glittering yellow stars against the dark blue background almost blended in  _ entirely _ with his robesl Wizard looked like he was trying not to smile. 

He buried his face in his scarf and flipped through the pages. 

“It’s a bit…” he rubbed the college-ruled paper between his fingers. “Flimsy,” he settled. “But I’m sure that once our endeavor is finished, we can transfer it to proper paper fit for an Arcana.”

Vampire shrugged and took another sip. “Whatever works, kiddo.” His eyes flickered over to Werewolf, who was fidgeting on the couch, no more comfortable then he was before. 

Vampire felt something tug at his gut. 

“Hey, Wiz-kid. You mind bugging Alchemist about your book for a second? She has experience with nerd stuff.”

Wizard made a face. “I don’t really see the-”

“Wizard.”

Wizard studied Vampire’s face for a second and looked down at his notebook. 

“I suppose Lady Alchemist could offer some insight,” he said, nodding and stuffing the notebook in his too-big pockets. “When should I come back?”

“20 minutes should do,” Vampire said, moving towards the loveseat. “Thank you.”

Wizard nodded and hurried past the doorway, leaving Vampire and Werewolf by themselves. Vampire took the seat next to Werewolf and got comfortable. 

“He’s a good kid, really.” Vampire said, swirling some blood substitute around in a glass. “Quick as a whip. Motivated. Everything I wish I was at his age.”

Werewolf’s eyes stayed trained on the dusty Arcana. 

“He does take some getting used to, though,” Vampire laughed, taking a sip. “I wouldn’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable around him at first.”

Werewolf settled into the couch a little more. “I see that. Th-that he’s a good kid, I mean, not that he’s a little creepy.”

“Good,” Vampire said simply, and shifted a little in his seat. Werewolf looked like he wanted to say something else, but his mouth stayed firmly shut. 

Frustrating, but more importantly, he probably hadn’t grown comfortable here. 

If he was going to be staying as long as Vampire thought he was, that would have to be rectified. 

“How did your little interview go?” Vampire asked, grasping for a conversation topic. 

“He didn’t really ask about... me. I think he got a little scared, honestly.”

Vampire sighed (he seemed to be doing that a lot lately) and took a sip. 

“You realize you’ll be staying here a while, right?”

Werewolf blinked at the sudden change in topic. 

“I mean,” Vampire continued. “This book thing is going to be a commitment, and there’s no way Wizard Cookie will leave it any form of unfinished. You’re in no shape to go out on your own, whatever bullshit you give us on how fine you are,” Vampire scoffed. “You forget I’m in the same boat as you. I know what having to become a monster every month does to someone, and I can’t imagine having to go through that alone.”

“I don’t want to be an inconvenience,” Werewolf muttered quietly, but his tone said that Vampire was already getting through to him.

“Just-” Vampire cut himself off. “I don’t know how to put this delicately-- we would be appalled if we didn’t at least try to help you, and I need you to accept that we  _ want _ you here. If nothing else, keep Wizard in mind. He’s got some sort of complex about living up to the old City of Wizards, and letting him help you would help with that.” Vampire rubbed at his temples with one hand and finished off his glass. 

“Consider that, would you?” he said, fighting to keep his voice calm. “I’m going to go tell Wizard to get ready to resume his interview.”

Vampire couldn’t leave the room fast enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THIS TOOK ENTIRELY TOO LONG TO GET FINISHED
> 
> at some point this story just got. not exactly put to the wayside but procastinated on and then some anon on tumblr (u know who you are) sent me an ask about about this story and I sat my ass down and finished this chapter 
> 
> regrettably, it's not my best writing by a longshot, and it's more of a "hey this story isnt dead" then anything, HOWEVER i do have a one-shot in the works that is much better quality (so far lmao) so look forward to that!
> 
> (as of now, this chapter has not been proofread)


	6. wizard laments about his homework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few seconds later, the light shrinks back to reveal a neatly stacked pile of multicoloured books, and crisp and, despite the bookmarks and tassles hanging out of them, obviously well-cared for.Wizard claps his hands twice in delight, and the book of Wizdom takes this as a dismissal, sulking back from where it came from. Werewolf entertains the idea of what exactly the kid did to the poor thing, but thinks better of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i pROMISE actual real plot will happen next chapter i just needed to get this concept out of my brain

Wizard entered the room with a flourish, glittering notebook in one hand and staff in another, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Mister Werewolf!” he announced, flipping open the book to a blank page. “After meeting with Alchemist, I believe I have the pinned down the optimal method of collecting information while we wait for a full moon!”

_Oh. A full moon._

He hadn’t planned on staying here that long, but after Vampire’s words a few moments ago, he didn’t really feel like arguing the point.

“Well?” he prompted, willing enthusiasm into his voice. “”Let’s hear it.”

He cleared his throat. “We-ell, it _does_ require Vampire to be outside for quite a long period of time, so I’m afraid we must have to wait to get started. And!” he lifted his staff to stop Werewolf from asking. “I want you to be wholly unprepared for the, ahem, _tests_.”

Werewolf had a feeling Wizard just wanted to be dramatic.

“I imagine you have something planned out for us in the meantime?” Werewolf ventured. Wizard laughed half-heartedly and set the notebook down on the coffee table.

“Book of Wizdom?” he called out, inching towards Werewolf’s side and getting comfortable. “Here, buddy!”

The floating book Werewolf had seen earlier一Wizard’s pet, maybe?一entered the room. Somehow, without even having legs, it gave the impression of shuffling guiltily.

“Where did you set down my things?” Wizard asked.

The book of Wizdom didnt react for a moment, and Werewolf was about to say something when he noticed a white glow out of the corner of his eye. It was all he can do to not vault across the room, but a decade of calming jumpy reflexes allowed him to get away with only flinching ihs hand away from the light.

Now that Werewolf looks at it, the glow burns blue at the edges and have a vaguely rectangular silhouette. By the look on Wizard’s face, it’s supposed to be like that.

A few seconds later, the light shrinks back to reveal a neatly stacked pile of multicoloured books, and crisp and, despite the bookmarks and tassles hanging out of them, obviously well-cared for.Wizard claps his hands twice in delight, and the book of Wizdom takes this as a dismissal, sulking back from where it came from. Werewolf entertains the idea of what exactly the kid did to the poor thing, but thinks better of it.

Although, he can’t help but ask “Is it going to be okay?”

Wizard waves him off and picks up the bight red book at the very top of the stack. “The Book of Wizdom will find something to entertain itself with,” he said nonchalantly, completely misunderstanding his question. Werewolf doesn't bother to correct him.    
“On another note, would I be correct in assuming the Vampire Cookie has talk to you about me?”

Werewolf nodded. Wizard’s face twisted into a pout.

“I hate it when he does that!” he whined. “Every person who meets me ends up having _his_ opinion first!”

“I-it was only good things,” Werewolf tried to reassure him. Wizard huffe.

“If you say so,” he muttered, displeased. “Has he told you much about my occupation?”

Werewolf racked his brain. “Not really,” he admitted. “You’re a… student, right?”

He puffed out his chest. “Not just any student! I work under Mistress Moonlight, and study the lost art of Wizardry!” He brightened. “I couldn’t ask for a better teacher.”

Oh right, Werewolf had been meaning to ask.

“When you say ‘Mistress Moonlight,” Werewolf paused. “...Do you mean Moonlight Cookie as in the _goddess,_ or-”

“-that’s the one!” Wizard chirped. “She’s pretty great, right?”

Werewolf thought back to all the ancient ruined temple depicting the Moon’s pain, the legends that no could really tell real from fake, and the rumors and excitement that came from her reawakening.  When Werewolf had been living with a village he stumbled upon, it wasn’t uncommon for people to say “may the Moon bless you” as a way of goodbye. Werewolf took one last look at the 4-foot-nothing cookie in front of him and squinted.

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Werewolf settled. Wizard beamed.

“Since I am still a student, it is only natural for me to be given work outside of direct instruction.” He patted the books in his lap. “That’s what this is.”

Wizard shifted the books into a position so that Werewolf could read it all of their titles, and Werewolf leaned over to look. _The Application of Wizardry in Healing_ and _Magic Candies and Their Effects_ looked about 150 pages each, both paperback, while _Spellcasting Volume 4_ was edging at about 500, with gold foil on the edge of it’s pages and bound in red leather _._ Werewolf didn’t know the first thing about what _any_ of that meant, but even he could tell it was beyond the ability of the magic users he had met. All of them were born with it一Wizard’s magic looked like it was a product of heavy study.

“How many volumes of spellcasting are there?” Werewolf asked.

“14, so far. Mistress Moonlight sometimes takes time writing more of them.”

Werewolf looked at Wizard, then at the thickness of the book, then back at Wizard again. You would need less than 14 of those to reach his head with the hat off, and probably even less to reach his body weight.

“That’s a big book,” Werewolf said, trying desperately not to point out his observation. “Are you going to spend the rest of your life just reading those?”

Wizard shrugged, arranging the books back into their original pile. “I might forego some of the later volumes if I get too busy. They are quite a lot more specialized. I think the 12th volume is composed entirely of magic surround flora and fauna.” He ran his finger over the embossed letters of the 4th volume, an action the Werewolf could tell he had done before. “Besides, I am a fast reader. This one is much shorter than most other Arcana I must study.”

Werewolf was _very_ glad he wasn’t in school anymore.

(Well, he couldn’t even remember if he’d went to school in the first place, but that was besides the point.)

Wizard cleared his throat. “My studies include having to write various essays demonstrating my understanding of the material, which, while valuable, is…”

“...Annoying?” Werewolf supplied.

“Tedious.” Wizard finished. “I find that an extra pair of eyes often weeds out any technical mistakes I might make in my fervor to finish them.”

Werewolf soaked in his words as Wizard flipped through his book and eventually pulled out a messy stapled-together stack of papers. The straightened it out on the open page, pressing creases out as best he could, and Werewolf caught the title. In small swirling script bordering on chicken scratch the top of the essay read “BOOK IV, CHAPTER 4.3-4.9” and below that, in bigger but just as messy writing  read “ADVANCED MOVEMENT AND LEVITATION THEORY”.

Something clicked in Werewolf’s mind.

“Are… do you want me to proofread your essay?”

Wizard blinked. “Yes? Was that not immediately apparent?”

“I-” Werewolf paused. “Wouldn’t Alchemist be a better fit for this type of thing?”

“Alchemist is busy.”

“But-”

“Subtlety really _is_ wasted on you, isn’t it,” Wizard sighed. “I’m trying to spend time with you. I find the feedback one gives on papers gives insight on their personality.” He titled his head. “I also _do_ need someone to proof this. I wrote it in one go on 3 hours of sleep.” Wizard held out his pen and straightened out the wrinkles in his paper one last time. “If you need anything explained, I’ll be happy to.”

Werewolf carefully accepted the pen and and took the papers, Wizard looking over his shoulder.

 _Well,_ Werewolf reasoned. _Wizard was going out of his way to help him. It was only natural Werewolf do something in return._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else literally shove all their papers in their textbooks? many an LA paper has fallen victim to my calc textbook.....rest in peace
> 
> and with that, i bring bad news. due to the fact exAM SEASON and other family situations im gonna have to put this story on hiatus BUT!! not that long. a month and a half at most-at least until school is out and my families's..... predicament is stabalized. ive been blessed with 3 AP classes and no study hall (bc i have dumb bitch disease) so that's.......pensive emoji. I have about half the next chapter written out, ill announce my return with that!
> 
> again i sincerely apologize for the inconvience and thank you all for you comments and kudos!
> 
> also a little bit about this fic-vampire is based on my little brother (who is actually my older twin but shhhhh) and everytime i get stuck for his dialouge i just think about what he would do. the first few lines? that was all him. Wizard is based on my child prodigy little-er brother, and yes he is that much of a bastard. i can see him right now. he's right there, playing cookie run on my phone. he's losing all my trophy races, goddammit. get out of my room, fucker. 
> 
> ...
> 
> ive sucessfully chased him out and WOW these are long end notes. until next time!! as always you can find me on tumblr and talk about whatever you like! if you want my cookie run id just DM me!!!


	7. surprisingly, nobody breaks any bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mmhm, good sound, perfect punching form..." Wizard looked up from his notebook. "Do your knuckles hurt? If you revert back to a regular cookie, there should definitely be at least a mark."  
> _______  
> Or: Wizard has his fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *muffled rap music* GUESS WHO'S BACK

A good 30 minutes later, thoroughly convinced that Wizard was smarter than him and with more knowledge about how to make things float than he would ever need, Werewolf looked out the window. 

"It's getting a little dark out," he muttered. While he couldn't make it out past the thick swath of trees, the last of the sunlight shining brightly through the gaps in between them made it apparent the sun was setting. Wizard glanced out the window and grimaced. 

"So soon..." he grumbled. He looked back at his essay, rife with corrections and little notes from the past 30 minutes. While Werewolf hadn't been much help in the information side of things, he had still made plenty of edits and suggestions. Wizard sighed and stuffed the paper back inside his textbook. "Well, I suppose we should get going. My assignments can wait, we have real work to do, Mister Werewolf!" 

Privately, Werewolf thought he was way too excited at the prospect of "real work", but he didn't dare say that out loud.

Werewolf's eyes trailed over to the doorframe. "Alchemist and Vampire should be here in a bit, right? What are they doing, anyways?" 

"I have informed Lady Alchemist about our plans, I imagine she and Vampire are preparing." Wizard explained. Then, he tilted his head, as if he had just thought of something. " Or just dawdling in the kitchen, waiting for us to finish." 

"Both, actually," Vampire said, entering the living space. Alchemist trailed behind him, wearing a cloak larger than the one she usually had on. She held a basket that was almost half her size and a belt of potions around her waist and a map in her hands. Vampire yawned and adjusted his cape. 

"So are we gonna leave or what?" He asked. "I, like, just woke up, so I kinda wanna get going." 

"You just woke up?" Werewolf asked.

"'m a vampire."

"Oh," Werewolf said, pretending to understand.

"You two are ready, correct?" Alchemist asked. Wizard nodded a yes for the both of them. "Good, then-" 

Just as she had her hand on the doorframe, Wizard interrupted her. "Hold on!" he cried out, his voice even more high pitched than usual. 

"Y-yes?" Alchemist asked, a hint of dread in her voice.

"Mister Werewolf is the only one here who doesn't have anything to protect himself against the elements!" He pouted. "Surely you have something to help him!" 

The entire room stopped at the outburst. Werewolf's heart just about stopped. Alchemist looked at Vampire in alarm. Vampire's grip tightened around his glass. Wizard's puppy-dog eyes grew ever larger. The wind howled in joyous schadenfreude. Vampire was the first to break. 

"Gods-" he muttered. "Gods fucking damn it." He shook his head and put his glass on a nearby table. "I'll bring the biggest cloak we have for him, alright?"

Wizard nodded in the utmost seriousness. The entire room let out a breath. "I shall be accompanying you to ensure you choose the best possible option."

"Of course, kid."

Dramatically, the both of them leave to find a cloak, with Wizard waxing poetic about how nice Vampire was being and Vampire muttering awfully darkly for someone who was being sung praises. Alchemist gave off the impression that she was rubbing her temples, even though both her hands were full and by her side.

"I promise we aren't always like this," she said. A pause. "Don't look at me like that, it's true!"

She sounded like she was convincing herself more than anyone else, but Werewolf kept his mouth shut.

5 minutes later, impressively heavy cloak around Werewolf's shoulders and the okay from Wizard, they started on their trek through the woods. Vampire morphed into Juice Bat, and nestled into a pocket sewn into Alchemist's cloak, seemingly just for him.

The forest was a beautiful area. Werewolf had been in a lot of forests, but this one had life to it that other's just didn't. The song of wildlife was ever present, and the forest breeze...

If Werewolf we're poetic, he might have compared it to finding a serene pond untouched by civilization, nature's beauty taking front and center. Since he wasn't, he would just say it was really, really nice.

"Where are we going?" Wizard's asked. 

"A clearing we frequent," Alchemist absentmindedly replied, not looking up from the map. "We used to come here a lot after-"

Juice Bat gave an indignant chirp. Alchemist snapped back to reality.

"Well. We use this space often, since Wind Archer gave us free clearance to break a few trees if we needed to. This is his forest, after all, we wouldn't want to insult him. Take right here."

Alchemist led them around a tree marked with a red ribbon around it's trunk. Werewolf cleared his throat.

"Will Wind Archer be mad since I knocked down a few trees when I, uh, was in wolf form?"

A sequence of chirps and clicks from Juice Bat.

"He says he doesn't think so," Alchemist translated. "He says, and I quote, the while 'Ol 'Windy might have a stick up his...." Her eyes flickered to Wizard, who was intently observing a bird that had landed on his sleeve. "While he might be pretentious, he isn't that much of a jerk," she revised. 

Werewolf nodded. "That's a relief."

* * *

 

Juice Bat's clicks grew ever louder.

"No, we aren't lost, what are you talking about?"

Absentmindedly, Werewolf counted 17 chirps in total.

"....shit."

"Lady Alchemist, for someone who seems so intent on not swearing around me-"

"Be quiet."

* * *

 

15 minutes later, the night stars providing plenty of light, they arrived at the clearing. Wizard's huffed triumphantly.

"Yes, yes, this should do perfectly!" He chirped, looking around the clearing like a child in a candy store. He got out his notebook and clicked his pen. "Now, let's see.."

* * *

"You want me. To punch the tree." 

Wizard nodded very seriously. Werewolf looked at him, the tree he was instructed to hit, and then back at Wizard. He eagerly fiddled with his pen, spiral notebook flapping around slightly in the breeze. Werewolf looked back at the tree, and after a moment of deliberation, planted his feet for a punch.

 _Thwack._ There was a respectable depression in the bark, and a faint rustling sound told him the impact had shaken a few leaves to the forest floor, but it was otherwise anticlimactic. Well, to Werewolf at least--Wizard's pen moved furiously across the paper, writing entirely too much for just one punch. 

"Mmhm, good sound, perfect punching form..." Wizard looked up from his notebook. "Do your knuckles hurt? If you revert back to a regular cookie, there should definitely be at least a mark."

Werewolf held up the back of his hand for Wizard to see. Aside from the same scars that had been there as long as Werewolf could remember, the only indication anything had happened was a slight reddening around the knuckle area. Wizard grinned. 

"Interesting!" He cheered, which Werewolf assumed was his version of fawning over a new video game. Werewolf risked a glanced over his shoulder look at his notes. Wizard had made a T chart, with "Werewolf (cookie form)" on one side and "Vampire (not cute)" on the other. After he finished scribbling his findings down, he tugged on Werewolf arm. 

"Come on, Mister Werewolf, we're not done yet!"

Werewolf valiantly didn't groan.

* * *

Every single fiber of his being ached. It wasn't that Werewolf was unathletic, but wow, did Wizard have a lot to demand. And really good puppy eyes, that too.

"Mmmmm..." Wizard hummed. "I think that's all for right now, Mister Werewolf!"

_Thank gods._

"Now, then," Wizard cleared his throat. "Vampire!" He demanded. "Do all the things Mister Werewolf just did!"

Vampire lazily got up from his seat on the forest floor and unclasped his cape. "Say please."

"No!"

"Fair enough."

The cape fell from his shoulders onto the forest floor. Alchemist muttered something about having to wash it later, but Vampire payed her no mind.

"What am I meant to do, again?"

"Punch this tree!"

When he got to the tree Wizard directed him towards, he got into punching form and...

....his fist phased right through the tree. Vampire and Alchemist looked the slightest bit surprised, Wizard looked livid, and Werewolf was trying to figure out if he was going crazy.

"Vampire!" Wizard whined. "I told you to punch it!"

"Oops?" Vampire offered.

_Oh, right, magic users are all insane._

"Let's try that again," Vampire muttered. He pulled his hand out. The area his fist and arm hand phased through turned gray, and the affected area began to crumbled into just. Soon, it began crawling through the tree like a disease, reducing the tree to a pile of ash.

Or, it would have, if Alchemist wasn't prepared. Werewolf didn't even notice her pulling out a bottle of a thin silvery liquid until it shattered against the bark. The grey paused, and life began to seep back into the affected area. The places that had already dusted, however, remained as ashes. 

Alchemist huffed and adjusted her belt. "Vampire, pick another tree."

"Yes, ma'am," Vampire said guiltily. Wizard grabbed Vampire by his wrist with both hands (which made him look more like a child, but since We're old valued his kneecaps he wasn't about to say that out loud) and dragged him over to another tree he had deemed appropriate for punching. 

Alchemist tapped Werewolf's shoulder.

"While they're doing that," she said, opening up her bag, "do you want to help set up the campsite?"

Werewolf glanced at the alternative. For someone so small, Wizard sure was shouting like a drill sergeant. Werewolf looked back at Alchemist, who was calmly pulling things out of her bag.

"How can I help?"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> though I was dead, folks? heh, fool, I never die.  
> More seriously-- things have calmed down! Personal life, school, family.... I can finally have time to sit down and write without feeling guilty, and I pumped this out! I mean it was all written on my phone but like. This is the best it's gonna get, folks!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, and with the arrival of summer, updates will be infinitely more frequent!


	8. *fwooshy wind noises*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alchemist softly laughed from next to him. "Have a seat, Werewolf, I'll get the fire started. Wizard will wear himself out soon enough."  
> ___________
> 
> or: a camp is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah sorry for the short chapter o just gotta say something in the end notes

"You're a lot easier to work with than Vampire," Alchemist commented.

Werewolf looks over their work. In the past half-hour, they had managed to sweep together a pile of dry twigs into a presentable potential-campire, laid in center of a circle of logs carved to be benches that Werewolf was reluctant to call makeshift. In the corner of one of them had 'VAMP WAS HERE" and a smiley face carved into the wood, presumably with a sharp rock. If he was unsure they had used this spot before, all doubts were cleared up. Even as Werewolf clumsily helped Alchemist set up tents and sleeping bags, she carried herself with what wasn't exactly confidence, but definite familiarity. Two brightly coloured tents stood proudly near the campfire, and were practically begging Werewolf to go to sleep.

(Upon being asked how she was pulling an entire sleeping bag from her basket, Alchemist paused.

"Spacebending thread," she explained. "You know that famous inventor-turned-vigilante, Hero Cookie?" Werewolf nodded. "That's how he gets his suit on from practically nowhere. There is a limit, of course, but if you sew the tread around.-"

She launched into an explanation and Werewolf stopped listening, accepting her explaination as "more magic".)

All in all, the campsite ended up being pretty cozy in the end. He could practically see children ducking in and out of tents, catching jelly frogs, telling stories around a campfire...

"Oi, was that a jab at my impeccable work ethic?"

_Speaking of children..._

 Vampire stalked towards them, clearly drained, Wizard trailing behind him and jotting down what was hopefully his last few notes. 

"She's right, you know," he declared, clicking his own closed. "If you had complained half as much as Mister Werewolf, we would've been finished much sooner."

"Zero divided by another number is impossible," Vampire added, almost as an afterthought. Wizard, taking great offense to this, apparently,  _thwaped_ him on the arm with the notebook. Although his eye twitched, Vampire failed to react. 

Somehow this only seeds to make Wizard more determined (towards what goal, Werewolf wasn't sure) and soon the otherwise peaceful calm that had settled over their little campsite was peppered with a steady beat of an unstoppable force trying to deter an immovable object.

Alchemist softly laughed from next to him. "Have a seat, Werewolf, I'll get the fire started. Wizard will wear himself out soon enough."

The quiet was broken, but for once, Werewolf didn't mind.

* * *

 

Wind Archer was a primordial deity. An undisputed protector of nature, a legendary foe of all things dastardly, and a force of pure good.

He was also very confused. 

The leaned forward to inspect the fallen trees and ran his fingers over the ripped bark. Claw marks- _huge_ claw marks, wider than his fist and much, much taller- littered the surface, constrained mostly at near the bottom 7 feet of the tree. Wind Archer frowned. That ruled out any flying creatures that might want to bring harm to the forest, and the lack of scorch marks also meant that Fire Spirit wasn't feeling petty (not that anything came up in recent memory that he would feel petty about). And-oh. Now that he thought about it, the horrid stench of malice was suspiciously absent. Wind Archer frowned. A crime of passion, perhaps? Maybe an animal just got a little too upset? Or...

He stepped back to asses the damage again. Wind Archer had tragically limited range when it came to sensing monsters other then evil spirits compared to the other legendaries, but he could at least detect something other than animal or just a regular cookie. A little like that Vampire, but more animalistic. 

He huffed. He could deal with that later. For now, he just had to scold Vampire for destroying yet another one of his trees.

(Dimly, he registered that the tree in question was part of the section he had so graciously granted to the grape pair, but it he was already on his way. It couldn't hurt to say hi, could it?)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna make excuses, I just haven felt SUPER in the groove lately and need some time off from writing. However!! To get my motivation back I'll be editing (or rewriting entirely, in the case of the first chapter) some of the earlier chapters to make things more consistent and Better in General. Hopefully, this'll give me something productive to do in the meantime- be sure to read the updated chapter notes, at the very least.
> 
> Until next time!!


	9. the one where wind archer refuses to let them rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wind Archer!" Vampire laughed nervously through gritted teeth. "What might you be-"
> 
> Wind Archer sharply raised his head and pointed a finger accusingly in Vampire's direction. Vampire's mouth clicked shut.
> 
> "You. Explain."  
> ________
> 
> or: Wind Archer really, really, really likes his plants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real talk: what the fuck do they EAT?? Cherry Blossom says tea n sandwiches but like? are there cookie farmers? where do they get their food? supermarket cookie? retail worker cookie? Barista cookie?  
> oh, wait, there IS a barista cookie. does this mean that pizza delivery guy cookie exists? 
> 
> new challenge-- create extremely niche cookies for worldbuilding purposes. mailman cookie. those people that work on fixing roads cookie. factory worker cookie. POLITICIAN cookie.

 

Thankfully, Alchemist has the foresight to bring enough food for them to not have to go out and find some.

"What, did you think we would have to forage for jellies?" Alchemist scoffed as she laid down a picnic blanket. Werewolf tried not to let on that he thought exactly that. "Don't be ridiculous, we have a perfectly functional orchard and farm at home. Why wouldn't we bring something from there?"

"'sides, it's way too big for Alchemist to eat by herself," Vampire added. "The only way I can eat anything from there is by sucking out the life force and fluids from, like, an apple or something. The leaves only a weird dried fruit husk, which, let me tell you, does not look appetizing. Don't go feeling bad about "taking resources' or whatever else you might come up with."

Wizard, who was adjusting the corners of the blanket to that there weren't any folds, hummed in thought. "Well, have you tried eating them? The dried fruit, I mean."

Alchemist let go of the blanket, putting down her basket to secure it so the wind wouldn't blow it away. She made a so-so gesture with her hand. "They're edible, but not flavourful at all. It seems Vampire's feeding takes out all the natural sugar as well as the fluids."

Wizard nods seriously. "So in the case of the apocalypse, it's would serve as a food source. It doesn't rot, does it not?"

Alchemist things this over for a moment while Vampire snorts. "I suppose in the event of the hypothetical end of the world, fruit husks could work. Dubiously nutritious, though."

Vampire snickers. "Imagine the coin we could make out of that. Pay 50,000 to make a crate of fruit non-perishable, how about it?"

"As if anyone would eat fruit that's touched your mouth."

"Hey!"

* * *

 It's surprisingly calming to have a picnic at a sunset.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Wizard said, daintily biting into his jelly sandwich. He took care to take small bites, though Werewolf suspected it was because he wanted to talk a lot, but wouldn't be caught dead chewing with his mouth open. Living with a literal goddess would do that to somebody, he figured. "I imagine you've seen plenty of sunsets, though, Mister Werewolf."

Werewolf frowned and looked to the horizon. "Not much of a sunset if it's blocked out by the trees, is it?"

"I guess so..." he mumbled. "But the colours of the sky are really pretty, aren't they."

Werewolf looked up. "No clouds. Good, it won't rain."

"The colours, Mister Werewolf!" Wizard huffed. "See how the sky shifts to purple to orange to blood orange until it reaches the trees?"

Werewolf took a little longer this time, trying to drink in every shade he could the way Wizard seemed to be doing. The more he looked at it, the more he could pick out little shifts in colour he hadn't noticed. Huh. Some of the skies did look purple. Although..."Blood Orange? Looks more like red to me."

Wizard pouted. "No, it's blood orange!" He shook his head, disappointed. Werewolf isn't really sure what the problem is, but he doesn't think he'd get very far in an argument.

"Oh. If you say so."

The conversation lapsed into silence, with the pair quietly finishing up their dinner. Wizard thoughtfully tapped his fingers on his notebook all the while, engrossed entirely on the page. At one point, he even puts the sandwich on the grass, with Werewolf being forced to move it to the blanket at least. When Werewolf finished with his dinner, Wizard is still focussed entirely on his thoughts. After a moment of contemplation, Werewolf gently shook his shoulder.

"You seem busy."

"I am!" he huffed. "I see plenty of similarities between you and Vampire, and I think I have some ideas on how to let you live comfortably! Of course, it's all theoretical, so-"

If Werewolf was being completely honest, he didn't have the mental energy to keep up with Wizard's magic-babble. He spoke far too quickly for him to keep up anyway, but it felt wrong to tell him that outright.

He pushed the sandwich towards him and tapped the ground twice to draw attention to it. Wizard cut himself off.

"Eat."

* * *

 

Wind Archer moved as if every action was part of a dance. Fluid. Serene. Deliberate. Not an ounce of energy was wasted, not a drop of momentum spared. The trees stood up straighter when he skipped over them, the wind subtly changing direction to guide him to his target. Befitting of a creature of his status and age. The passage of time did nothing to dull his senses or change his form. He was eternal. In the land of the forest, he was all-knowing and all-seeing.

Or, he was supposed to be.

He took his time making his way to the new presence, stopping to admire birds and other such denizens of the forest and let the creatures admire him. This also gave him more time to prepare and deliberate. The more he expanded his senses, the more he recognized this new presence in his forest. It carries the scent of nature, which gives it respect from a patron god such as himself, though he only felt it's roots dig into it for but a few years. He felt it to be peaceful, like the alchemist, but something lay under the surface, the same way the vampire's hunger clung to his very soul, etched irreversibly into his being.

Wind Archer resumed running a gentle finger over the bird, allowing it to preen. Other residents of the forest offered them their nuts and berries. He gave them pats for their gifts.

Not that he could really consume them. It was the thought that counted, he though as he deposited the offerings into his quiver. Such cooperation and kindness could only be found in his domain. No matter what the Sea Fairy said.

He contemplated the new presence once more, and slowly retracted his senses to his corporeal form, blinking once, then twice to acclimate himself. Carefully, he shooed off the animals closest to him and slowly moved his finger next to a nearby tree branch. The bird hesitated before respectfully hopping towards her nest. Wind Archer nodded in approval, and the bird's feathers puffed up.

The other animals scattered as he got up in one fluid motion, letting the wind guide him to his destination.

* * *

 

"-so does anyone have any objections?"

Wizard's hand shot up in the air immediately. Vampire gesture for him to speak. 

"If I shared a tent with Mister Werewolf, I could get a better grasp on his sleep pa-"

"That's creepy. Denied."

Wizard pouted. Shyly, Werewolf raised his hand too. 

"You don't actually have to raise your hand, you know, that's just what we do for Wizard to keep him complacent."

"Ah-well," Werewolf cleared his throat. "If Wizard and Alchemist share the pink tent, and I take the blue one, where will  _you_ sleep?"

Vampire paused for a moment and then barked in laughter. "Don't worry about me. I'm nocturnal, so I got plenty of rest earlier. I need to... venture out into the forest to hunt, anyways. The picnic basket isn't going to cut it, I'm afraid."

Werewolf ran yesterday's events through his head. "Oh. That makes sense." 

Satisfied, Vampire nodded. "Uh-huh. Alchemist, anything to report?"

Alchemist, who had just taken a quick trip around their base to scout for "dangerous animals", shook her head. "Nothing of note. This should be an uneventful night."

Vampire grimaced. "I don't like it when you say things like that."

"Why would you-"

Before she could finish her sentence, an overpowering gust of wind blew through their clearing, making an incessant racket as trees and branch pushed up against each other and birds chirped in alarm. Alchemist chunky braids blew into her face, Vampire's cloak whipped to the side and clung to his form, and Wizard was forced to dramatically grab his hat. For what Werewolf lacked in the conspicuous accessories department, he made up for in general confusion, because for all their flamboyance, everyone else seemed to have a pretty solid grasp on what was going on.

Vampire cursed under his breath and Wizard rushed behind him, whimpering quietly. Werewolf's eyes darted around trying to locate the source--because that was  _definitely_ magic, there was no= way around it--and his eyes landed on a green figure perched serenely on a tree branch that didn't look like it should have been able to hold that much weight. Werewolf tensed at the bow and quiver tied to his back, before getting a close look and realizing what they meant. When he found the shining forest-green emerald embedded in the figure's head, his suspicions were confirmed. 

Werewolf didn't know how to feel about that. 

"Wind Archer!" Vampire laughed nervously through gritted teeth. "What might you be-"

Wind Archer sharply raised his head and pointed a finger accusingly in Vampire's direction. Vampire's mouth clicked shut.

"You. Explain."

"W-well-" Vampire frowned, before composing himself, adjusting his cape and smoothing down his hair. "Man, do you always have to make  _such_ an entrance?"

"Do not waste. My time." 

Vampire rolled his eyes. "I'll have you know it was  _technically_ the kid's fault."

Wind Archer's posture relaxed slightly, although his animalistic ears flickered a little in what Werewolf registered as confusion. He might've been wrong. He was a little shellshocked.

"Kid..." Wind Archer mumbled, sleepy eyes scanning the clearing with focus no mortal could ever possess. His voice was breathy and quiet, while his presence was anything but. "Where?" Wizard squeaked a little bit behind him, small hand pressing up behind his back. 

For the greater good, Werewolf stepped aside. Wizard squawked in protest, but it was significantly preferable to being flayed alive by Wind Archer's glare.  

"Wizard," Wind Archer said, a note of surprise entering his voice. "Why here?"

Wizard cleared his throat to try to gain some semblance of dignity, although a noticeable blush was coloring his face. "Greetings, Wind Archer sir!"

"Hello. Why here?"

"Y-yes, I left the tower, b-because..." His fingers curled around the cuffs of his sleeves. "Because Alchemist asked me to!"

Alchemist stood up straight. "Yes, I requested that Wizard join us for the next few weeks." Despite her cool demeanor, she was clearly picking her words carefully. "However," she turned her sharp gaze on Wizard. "I was not made aware he didn't tell you or, from what I gather, Lady Moonlight herself."

Wind Archer tilted his head. "Understood. Moon has not been told of his... leaving. I did not know of his entry."

Wizard shrunk even more into himself. Wind Archer had not an ounce of pity. Werewolf was quickly growing very uncomfortable. 

"Hey, hey, don't be so hard on the kid," Vampire piped up. "I mean, look at him, he's already ashamed enough, isn't he?"

Wizard whimpered again and pulled his hat down over his face. Wind Archer looked at Vampire, then back at Wizard. 

"Hm," He said. "Okay. Will tell the Moon myself."

Vampire's face broke out in a nervous grin. "Yeah!" So-"

"Not finished here," Wind Archer said, raising his voice slightly. 

"I would like to say that the tree is perfectly fine," Alchemist said. "You can see for yourself."

Mechanically, Wind Archer looked at the tree in question. "Reeks of decay," he announced. Before Alchemist could protest, he added "It will do. Tree is still.... healthy."

The entire clearing sighed in relief, but Werewolf had a feeling that Wind Archer still wasn't finished. 

Wind Archer seemed to consider something, then decided on jumping down from the tree in a flash of movement. Somehow he didn't even nudge the branch he was sitting on, and the grass beneath him barely bowed under his weight. Nothing he did seemed to make noise. He took deliberate towards Werewolf, and the only thing keeping him from bolting was the strange oppressive atmosphere around the god, forcing him to be rooted (no pun intended?) in place. He looked Werewolf over, and if he saw something, he didn't voice it out loud. 

He stuck a finger to Werewolf's chest, looking him in the eyes. "You. I don't... recognize you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh h*ck is werewolf fucked? is he just being dramatic?? only god (wind archer) knows.  
> this chapter was originally intended to be longer, but i just kinda wanted to put it out there as soon as possible,,,  
> gods & dietys being slightly unsettling is my favourite thing in the world, mostly bc the religon i follow (hinduism) seems to be pretty into that sort of thing. also because its FUN to write.  
> hope this chapter was entertaining! im taking better care to stay in the correct tense and keeping spelling mistakes to a minimum, but do point out any if you notice some! until next time <33
> 
> (fun fact--a lot of interactions from this chapter are pulled from real life! just to make the whole family thing as believable as possible uwu)

**Author's Note:**

> im debating whether or not to continue, so if you could comment (a simple y/n would be great!) on if i should add more, that would be lovely! all comments and saved in my inbox and cherished forever
> 
> also--if there are anything mistakes at all (and im sure there are!) please comment about them so i can fix it!
> 
> my tumblr, bc i keep forgetting to give it:https://goomy-kins.tumblr.com/


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